Hats 2010 Season Preview

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Gray from the Times
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White from the Fright

Dateline- September 28-2009

This reporter waited for over 4 hours to meet with legendary Hat Owner Mike Shaughnessy on a typical foggy Panama evening. The 9pm appointmnent was finally honoured at just past 1am. I waited in what passes for a family restaurant in Panama, The Hungry Beaver.

The place was a smokey den,with many of the patrons appearing to belong to a famous Panama cycling club.

I watched the waitress who had delivered my gourmet burger and fries try to climb some sort of pole on a stage in the middle of the dining area. She seemed to be naked but I am sure that was merely a trick of the lighting.

I was starting to doze off when the surly Hat owner finally expoded through the swinging doors.He offered the usual curse and a friendly growl to all those who recognized the Panama sports icon.

Shaughnessy staggered over to the table, removed the famous Panama hat and duster, ordered a triple Bushmills(no Jamesons in stock) and asked me what the fuck I wanted. I must say that the old boy looked good though, sort of like Bert Reynolds, only older and without the hair-piece.

We got straight to business of course. I asked him about flagging attendance at the stately Diana Dome. "No fucking problem there" he roared. "We have re-modelled the Dome and can now seat 1213 comfortably. The concourse has been redone and Mesqualito II , the wonder horse, will circle the concourse after every Panama score. On top of that , a free trip to lovely Wasaga Beach will be given to a dozen lucky winners each time prolific scorer Marc Staal registers an official hat trick. Our Hall of fame night on Halloween should prove to be a huge draw as well. Revered Hats alumnus Jeremy Roenick wil be inducted along with legendary Hats goaltender Pat Jablonski. And as a bonus, in the builders category, William Gillis will also be enshrined in the Hall."

My question about the on ice product prompted another rant." Fuckin on ice, we will be fuckin brilliant" he slurred." I can absolutely guarantee there will be no 10th place finish this year my lad.(seeing as there are only 8 teams this seemed no idle boast)"We are well coached by "Red" Timulty in his 16th go round as head coach. Red is a youthful 91 and has stayed on top of all things hockey. The Rocket Richard fixation for one of our right wing spots is slightly worrisome, but other than that Red's got er covered"

With that the crusty owner slammed back his 5th triple of the interview and strode into the balmy Panama mist, trailing a string of profanity.

This reporter can only conclude that the Hats season will be a memorable one indeed.