Team Poonai - A new saddle for your horse, with alittle grease on it so you fall off and we can catch up to you.
Team Hawk - A new CD, "DRAFTING MY WAY" numerous tips and insights on why the draft is important.
Team Inn Tents - A 17 volume collection on First Aid, Training methods on and off ice, Personal training tips, so maybe your team will be in shape come 2010-2011.
Team Secret - better fitting lingerae, as the ones presently using are hindering your performance.
Team Lilly - a watch and calendar so that you show up to the draft next year.
Team Sodom - a DVD of "100 YEARS OF THE HABS" a real team to model yourself from.
Team Hatter - a lump of coal, as nothing can improve your 2009-2010 showing
From
BUBBA "Santa" BEERS
Championship Banners
Seniors Abuse
Sodom Sun (by community reporter Sally Forth)
The League of Leagues is having a bad year as yet another Federal Ministry has launched an investigation into the league. The Federal Ministry of Senior Affairs has received reports that some GMs in the LOL are abusing seniors. According to the anonymous sources, two kindly yet older GMs in the league have been ganged up on and are now wallowing in the bottom two spots. It's alleged that points are being taken away from the seniors' teams, goals have vanished, goaltender averages are padded, yet shutouts disappear. The end result of all this finagling are 7th and 8th place positions in the league for the pair. The Ministry hopes to have the investigation completed by Monday.
The League of Leagues is having a bad year as yet another Federal Ministry has launched an investigation into the league. The Federal Ministry of Senior Affairs has received reports that some GMs in the LOL are abusing seniors. According to the anonymous sources, two kindly yet older GMs in the league have been ganged up on and are now wallowing in the bottom two spots. It's alleged that points are being taken away from the seniors' teams, goals have vanished, goaltender averages are padded, yet shutouts disappear. The end result of all this finagling are 7th and 8th place positions in the league for the pair. The Ministry hopes to have the investigation completed by Monday.
dad, blame it all to hell
the old man screamed as he raced through the concourse of the Diana Dome and into the parking lot.
He carried a 12 gauge shotgun and he jacked a cartridge into the chamber and began blasting away.
" First one of the fucking season" he roared. "Fucking vultures, I hate the mother-fuckers-that one looks like a breed found only in ONLY". The formerly quiet November afternoon was filled with the sound of gunfire.
He carried a 12 gauge shotgun and he jacked a cartridge into the chamber and began blasting away.
" First one of the fucking season" he roared. "Fucking vultures, I hate the mother-fuckers-that one looks like a breed found only in ONLY". The formerly quiet November afternoon was filled with the sound of gunfire.
Icers Charge into Third
Yes, the LOL's leaders are trembling slightly as they hear the sound of familiar footsteps. The legendary Sodom Icers, the league's most storied and glorious franchise, was in seventh place on Friday. Such a low position didn't sit well with the legendary squad and it put forth a herculean effort over the weekend. The Icers are now in third spot. And naturally, despite their age, the Icers find themselves acting like teens and enjoying chasing poon.
Chasing Poon
Kitty Smooth the GM for the now league leading Poonani Chasers had one thing to say last evening after confirming that her team was indeed in first place.
"ahhhh my favorite position - I love being on top"
"ahhhh my favorite position - I love being on top"
Robbed Again
Sodom Sun (by Ben Dover)
It was a few years ago and the Sodom Icers management was furiously trying to find out why a shorthanded goal had vanished. The season ended and the Victoria Secrets were at first awarded the championship. But the Icers knew they should have won. A shorthanded goal would vault them ahead of the Secrets and give the City of Champions yet another championship. But the shorthanded goal was missing. Just as the GM was about to call the Secrets with his congrats, the missing shorthanded was found. The championship, which rightfully belonged to the Icers, almost went to Victoria. What a travesty that would have been...a false title. Turns out somebody removed the shorthanded goal to give the Toys a title. Underhanded, sleazy, illegal...pick your word. Well, it's happened again. The Icers went online yesterday and found a goaltender named Niemi from Chicago. He was there, on the waiver list. So the Icers picked him up. This started a series of whines emanating from Victoria. "I picked him first," ...."I told the commish to pick him for me last friday"...."there's a post" Puleeease. I can't stand to hear a grown man whine and moan. In truly gallant and sportsworthy fashion, the Icers will drop Niemi for the blubberng and whailing Victoria GM.
Sodom Icers Hockey Club Inc.
It was a few years ago and the Sodom Icers management was furiously trying to find out why a shorthanded goal had vanished. The season ended and the Victoria Secrets were at first awarded the championship. But the Icers knew they should have won. A shorthanded goal would vault them ahead of the Secrets and give the City of Champions yet another championship. But the shorthanded goal was missing. Just as the GM was about to call the Secrets with his congrats, the missing shorthanded was found. The championship, which rightfully belonged to the Icers, almost went to Victoria. What a travesty that would have been...a false title. Turns out somebody removed the shorthanded goal to give the Toys a title. Underhanded, sleazy, illegal...pick your word. Well, it's happened again. The Icers went online yesterday and found a goaltender named Niemi from Chicago. He was there, on the waiver list. So the Icers picked him up. This started a series of whines emanating from Victoria. "I picked him first," ...."I told the commish to pick him for me last friday"...."there's a post" Puleeease. I can't stand to hear a grown man whine and moan. In truly gallant and sportsworthy fashion, the Icers will drop Niemi for the blubberng and whailing Victoria GM.
Sodom Icers Hockey Club Inc.
Investigation Closes
Its yet another dark hour for the League of Leagues.
The investigation into the Victoria Secrets first recognized championship has been thrown out by the honourable commissioner 'Mike Shagswell III', who cited in a memorandum issued to the league last night, that "the Victoria Secrets won their first recognized championship last year, and done so fairly and within the confines of the rules".
However, shame from the investigation lands on one of sports most storied franchises, the Sodom Icers. "The league does place a $50 fine on the team, which is big in Sodom, for tampering and falsifying documents". The investigation, initiated by the Sodomites, concluded that the Icers 5th place finish last season had "strong evidence to suggest the Icers did so unfairly by purchasing shorthanders, and thier true place in the standings was 9th", just a head of the Hats but below the Wannamans.
The investigation also states that there was "a trail of evidence that goes back years, under multiple regimes of commissioners, that would suggest the Icers franchise has been buying shorthanders for years".
How can anyone forget the Secrets first victory, that was ripped from their clutches like a child being pulled from their family the day after the season ended and the trophy was handed out? The investigation has no mention of the tainted championship, but clearly suggests between the lines, there is something wrong in Sodom.
The investigation into the Victoria Secrets first recognized championship has been thrown out by the honourable commissioner 'Mike Shagswell III', who cited in a memorandum issued to the league last night, that "the Victoria Secrets won their first recognized championship last year, and done so fairly and within the confines of the rules".
However, shame from the investigation lands on one of sports most storied franchises, the Sodom Icers. "The league does place a $50 fine on the team, which is big in Sodom, for tampering and falsifying documents". The investigation, initiated by the Sodomites, concluded that the Icers 5th place finish last season had "strong evidence to suggest the Icers did so unfairly by purchasing shorthanders, and thier true place in the standings was 9th", just a head of the Hats but below the Wannamans.
The investigation also states that there was "a trail of evidence that goes back years, under multiple regimes of commissioners, that would suggest the Icers franchise has been buying shorthanders for years".
How can anyone forget the Secrets first victory, that was ripped from their clutches like a child being pulled from their family the day after the season ended and the trophy was handed out? The investigation has no mention of the tainted championship, but clearly suggests between the lines, there is something wrong in Sodom.
4 Years!!! Headline Screams
by Poonani Chasers:
...and to the amazement and joy of the Poonani Chasers management, the team has finally hit First Place.
"Although with our teams luck, we will more than likely hit rock bottom within a week" says team GM Kitty Smooth. "I think this team has the potential to be half decent as long as they all continue to let go of their Mommy's skirt. Of course one of the boys still doesn't want to play - Patrik will need to heal up quickly. Apprently he found out he was related to Sheldon Souray which explains why he is being such a little pussy" says Smooth.
When asked about Denis Widemans injury last night (upper Body) Smooth smiled and said "hmmm must be related to the celebrations between periods last night and might explain my lower body injuries"
...and to the amazement and joy of the Poonani Chasers management, the team has finally hit First Place.
"Although with our teams luck, we will more than likely hit rock bottom within a week" says team GM Kitty Smooth. "I think this team has the potential to be half decent as long as they all continue to let go of their Mommy's skirt. Of course one of the boys still doesn't want to play - Patrik will need to heal up quickly. Apprently he found out he was related to Sheldon Souray which explains why he is being such a little pussy" says Smooth.
When asked about Denis Widemans injury last night (upper Body) Smooth smiled and said "hmmm must be related to the celebrations between periods last night and might explain my lower body injuries"
Schvincter Keeps Job
Sodom Sun (by Ben Dover)
Despite a horrible and shocking start to the new season, the legendary Sodom Icers', the league's most storied and glorious franchise, will keep Rusty Schvincter as head coach. GM Harry "Paps" Mear woke up long enough this morning to say Schvincter's job was safe, despite the stunning shock of being in 7th place. Only the Victoria Secrets, the **unofficial** defending champions, are below the vaunted Icers. Mear says the incredibly slow start by the Icers isn't that bad and that Schvincter will be given more time to right the ship. Schvincter himself said he likes his team and doesn't give a hoot about the shockingly slow start.
** The Victoria Secrets franchise once tried to steal a championship by (rumours say) bribing the league statistician into hiding a shorthanded point by eventual champion Sodom Icers. The mysterious missing shorthander was thankfully found in a final look at the league stats. The underhanded attempt to steal a title thankfully failed, but it is still considered to be a dark day in the LOL's history. Because of this attempted theft, there is some concern about last season's championship by the Secrets. Was it legitimate? Did they get away with a bribe this time? A full investigation of the Secrets championship last season is ongoing. A full report from Private Investigator Dee Enay is expected next week.
Despite a horrible and shocking start to the new season, the legendary Sodom Icers', the league's most storied and glorious franchise, will keep Rusty Schvincter as head coach. GM Harry "Paps" Mear woke up long enough this morning to say Schvincter's job was safe, despite the stunning shock of being in 7th place. Only the Victoria Secrets, the **unofficial** defending champions, are below the vaunted Icers. Mear says the incredibly slow start by the Icers isn't that bad and that Schvincter will be given more time to right the ship. Schvincter himself said he likes his team and doesn't give a hoot about the shockingly slow start.
** The Victoria Secrets franchise once tried to steal a championship by (rumours say) bribing the league statistician into hiding a shorthanded point by eventual champion Sodom Icers. The mysterious missing shorthander was thankfully found in a final look at the league stats. The underhanded attempt to steal a title thankfully failed, but it is still considered to be a dark day in the LOL's history. Because of this attempted theft, there is some concern about last season's championship by the Secrets. Was it legitimate? Did they get away with a bribe this time? A full investigation of the Secrets championship last season is ongoing. A full report from Private Investigator Dee Enay is expected next week.
Unrest in Panama
Story filed by
Brown from the Sun
Stats by
Grey from the Times
Dateline October 2/09
A near riot broke out today in the parking lot of the stately Diana Dome.
Irate Panama fans, angered by the price gouging antics of the legendary GM protested the high ticket prices($2.50) for lower bowl ducats.
Their complaint centered around the flinty GM raising prices and at the same time putting a team on the ice that could possibly go all season without registering a single scoring point.
The anger was palpable as the fans hurled spoiled fruit and bricks at the Dome.
Several fans found Shaughnessy's fabled high performance Yugo and over turned it.
This reporter called the Hats public relations department to see how the clunb would react and what attempts would be made to mollify the justifiably irate fan base.
A familiar gruff voice , slightly slurred , answered the phone and I posed the question. There was a split second pause and then the famous growl exploded through the reciever. "Fuck em"
Lillies Season Preview - 2010
In an effort to improve upon a dismal showing in their expansion season, Water Lilies GM Gaylord Noblower skipped out on the draft and hired some ex-NHL superstars on to help in some key areas.
Goaltending Coach
Peter Ing of Maple Leafs and Oiler fame joins the team in an effort to rear young netminder Semyon Varlamov. Said Ing, "I think Semyon needs a solid influence to get behind him and support him, keep pumping away when he goes down and helps him reach full potential when he's up."
Defense Coach
Joining the bench one of many assistants will be Todd Gill, former Leaf and Red Wing. "Hey, no one wants to get stuck in their own end all night. Sometimes you wanna dump it out and charge right back into their end. That's how I like to do things."
Head Coach
New Head Coach Dick Burns from Beeton, Ontario brings that small town charm and toughness to a team that needs to be beat into shape. "I'm coming in here to show these guys what not just one man can do with his bare hands, but a whole team. No free passes here, these boys are going to work off every mistake until they taste success."
"We're going to employ a trap this season that we'll, hopefully, suck all of our opponents into submission with. Nothing's going to come easy against us. We're also really looking forward to playing the Sodom Icers..."
With this new attitude in Wyevale, it's easy to see why the Lily Pad is going to be a popular place this winter.
Goaltending Coach
Peter Ing of Maple Leafs and Oiler fame joins the team in an effort to rear young netminder Semyon Varlamov. Said Ing, "I think Semyon needs a solid influence to get behind him and support him, keep pumping away when he goes down and helps him reach full potential when he's up."
Defense Coach
Joining the bench one of many assistants will be Todd Gill, former Leaf and Red Wing. "Hey, no one wants to get stuck in their own end all night. Sometimes you wanna dump it out and charge right back into their end. That's how I like to do things."
Head Coach
New Head Coach Dick Burns from Beeton, Ontario brings that small town charm and toughness to a team that needs to be beat into shape. "I'm coming in here to show these guys what not just one man can do with his bare hands, but a whole team. No free passes here, these boys are going to work off every mistake until they taste success."
"We're going to employ a trap this season that we'll, hopefully, suck all of our opponents into submission with. Nothing's going to come easy against us. We're also really looking forward to playing the Sodom Icers..."
With this new attitude in Wyevale, it's easy to see why the Lily Pad is going to be a popular place this winter.
Secrets Close Preseason
Secrets closed off training camp today, and have a two day offsite planned this week sipping wine, going to the butterfly observatory, and watching movies like Ghost, Beaches, and Steel Magnolias.
The Secrets look poised to defend their first recognized victory this year. They closed out preseason in awesome fashion, wiping the ice with the Butts and Bitches, to the point where the franchises folded because of it and their players ran off to other cities in fear, a first in the LOL.
Victoria looks primed to take home the Lady Byng this year, having drafted 20 players who will be in contention for the Sportsman of the Year trophy. Team tough guy, Tim Thomas, who is expected to lead the team in PIMs this year, was quoted as saying, “we’ll play the game the way it was meant to be played”.
Secrets applaud the new alignment of the LOL, where teams are divided by two divisions, the “A Class” division, and the “Finished Below Even Bubba” division, which only holds 2 teams this year, the Hats and Lillies.
The Secrets open up against the Hats in Panama on Thursday night, and then off to Sodom for a tilt in the ASS on Saturday night. When questioned about the privilege of playing some of the oldest franchises in pro sports, coach Will Wynn responded "who?".
It looks like we’re in for the best year in the LOL yet.
The Secrets look poised to defend their first recognized victory this year. They closed out preseason in awesome fashion, wiping the ice with the Butts and Bitches, to the point where the franchises folded because of it and their players ran off to other cities in fear, a first in the LOL.
Victoria looks primed to take home the Lady Byng this year, having drafted 20 players who will be in contention for the Sportsman of the Year trophy. Team tough guy, Tim Thomas, who is expected to lead the team in PIMs this year, was quoted as saying, “we’ll play the game the way it was meant to be played”.
Secrets applaud the new alignment of the LOL, where teams are divided by two divisions, the “A Class” division, and the “Finished Below Even Bubba” division, which only holds 2 teams this year, the Hats and Lillies.
The Secrets open up against the Hats in Panama on Thursday night, and then off to Sodom for a tilt in the ASS on Saturday night. When questioned about the privilege of playing some of the oldest franchises in pro sports, coach Will Wynn responded "who?".
It looks like we’re in for the best year in the LOL yet.
Hats 2010 Season Preview
Story Filed By
Gray from the Times
Stats by
White from the Fright
Dateline- September 28-2009
This reporter waited for over 4 hours to meet with legendary Hat Owner Mike Shaughnessy on a typical foggy Panama evening. The 9pm appointmnent was finally honoured at just past 1am. I waited in what passes for a family restaurant in Panama, The Hungry Beaver.
The place was a smokey den,with many of the patrons appearing to belong to a famous Panama cycling club.
I watched the waitress who had delivered my gourmet burger and fries try to climb some sort of pole on a stage in the middle of the dining area. She seemed to be naked but I am sure that was merely a trick of the lighting.
I was starting to doze off when the surly Hat owner finally expoded through the swinging doors.He offered the usual curse and a friendly growl to all those who recognized the Panama sports icon.
Shaughnessy staggered over to the table, removed the famous Panama hat and duster, ordered a triple Bushmills(no Jamesons in stock) and asked me what the fuck I wanted. I must say that the old boy looked good though, sort of like Bert Reynolds, only older and without the hair-piece.
We got straight to business of course. I asked him about flagging attendance at the stately Diana Dome. "No fucking problem there" he roared. "We have re-modelled the Dome and can now seat 1213 comfortably. The concourse has been redone and Mesqualito II , the wonder horse, will circle the concourse after every Panama score. On top of that , a free trip to lovely Wasaga Beach will be given to a dozen lucky winners each time prolific scorer Marc Staal registers an official hat trick. Our Hall of fame night on Halloween should prove to be a huge draw as well. Revered Hats alumnus Jeremy Roenick wil be inducted along with legendary Hats goaltender Pat Jablonski. And as a bonus, in the builders category, William Gillis will also be enshrined in the Hall."
My question about the on ice product prompted another rant." Fuckin on ice, we will be fuckin brilliant" he slurred." I can absolutely guarantee there will be no 10th place finish this year my lad.(seeing as there are only 8 teams this seemed no idle boast)"We are well coached by "Red" Timulty in his 16th go round as head coach. Red is a youthful 91 and has stayed on top of all things hockey. The Rocket Richard fixation for one of our right wing spots is slightly worrisome, but other than that Red's got er covered"
With that the crusty owner slammed back his 5th triple of the interview and strode into the balmy Panama mist, trailing a string of profanity.
This reporter can only conclude that the Hats season will be a memorable one indeed.
Gray from the Times
Stats by
White from the Fright
Dateline- September 28-2009
This reporter waited for over 4 hours to meet with legendary Hat Owner Mike Shaughnessy on a typical foggy Panama evening. The 9pm appointmnent was finally honoured at just past 1am. I waited in what passes for a family restaurant in Panama, The Hungry Beaver.
The place was a smokey den,with many of the patrons appearing to belong to a famous Panama cycling club.
I watched the waitress who had delivered my gourmet burger and fries try to climb some sort of pole on a stage in the middle of the dining area. She seemed to be naked but I am sure that was merely a trick of the lighting.
I was starting to doze off when the surly Hat owner finally expoded through the swinging doors.He offered the usual curse and a friendly growl to all those who recognized the Panama sports icon.
Shaughnessy staggered over to the table, removed the famous Panama hat and duster, ordered a triple Bushmills(no Jamesons in stock) and asked me what the fuck I wanted. I must say that the old boy looked good though, sort of like Bert Reynolds, only older and without the hair-piece.
We got straight to business of course. I asked him about flagging attendance at the stately Diana Dome. "No fucking problem there" he roared. "We have re-modelled the Dome and can now seat 1213 comfortably. The concourse has been redone and Mesqualito II , the wonder horse, will circle the concourse after every Panama score. On top of that , a free trip to lovely Wasaga Beach will be given to a dozen lucky winners each time prolific scorer Marc Staal registers an official hat trick. Our Hall of fame night on Halloween should prove to be a huge draw as well. Revered Hats alumnus Jeremy Roenick wil be inducted along with legendary Hats goaltender Pat Jablonski. And as a bonus, in the builders category, William Gillis will also be enshrined in the Hall."
My question about the on ice product prompted another rant." Fuckin on ice, we will be fuckin brilliant" he slurred." I can absolutely guarantee there will be no 10th place finish this year my lad.(seeing as there are only 8 teams this seemed no idle boast)"We are well coached by "Red" Timulty in his 16th go round as head coach. Red is a youthful 91 and has stayed on top of all things hockey. The Rocket Richard fixation for one of our right wing spots is slightly worrisome, but other than that Red's got er covered"
With that the crusty owner slammed back his 5th triple of the interview and strode into the balmy Panama mist, trailing a string of profanity.
This reporter can only conclude that the Hats season will be a memorable one indeed.
Icers Break Training Camp
Sodom Sun (by Ben Dover)
The legendary Sodom Icers, the league's most storied and glorious franchise, have left their training camp facility in Dildo, Newfoundland and are headed home to the comfy confines of the A.S.S. (Air Sodom Stadium) General Manager Harry "Paps" Mear has made several changes in the team after last year's uncharacteristic fifth place finish. The biggest changes come in goal where the Icers managed only 8 of a possible 44 points last season. When asked how the team would do this year, Mear, who had nodded off, was awoken. "Cheeseburger, I need a cheeseburger," said. When the question was asked again, Mear suddenly became afraid. "Where am I," he yelled, his eyes like frying pans. "Who are you guys? What's this building? What's going on? Where's my bedpan?"
The gathered reporters decided instead to question head coach Rusty Schvincter as to how the team would fair. "We'll be competitive," he replied. "We'll be able to thump that nancy team in Victoria, but I'm sure some other teams will be able to give us a tussle."
The league is expected to return to normal this season after the shocking results of last year. Both the champion and runner up were perennial also-rans who just happened to both get hot and lucky the same season. It was a shocking upset for all hockey experts, but these things happen in the world of sports every century or so. Most pundits expect a return to normalcy this season.
The legendary Sodom Icers, the league's most storied and glorious franchise, have left their training camp facility in Dildo, Newfoundland and are headed home to the comfy confines of the A.S.S. (Air Sodom Stadium) General Manager Harry "Paps" Mear has made several changes in the team after last year's uncharacteristic fifth place finish. The biggest changes come in goal where the Icers managed only 8 of a possible 44 points last season. When asked how the team would do this year, Mear, who had nodded off, was awoken. "Cheeseburger, I need a cheeseburger," said. When the question was asked again, Mear suddenly became afraid. "Where am I," he yelled, his eyes like frying pans. "Who are you guys? What's this building? What's going on? Where's my bedpan?"
The gathered reporters decided instead to question head coach Rusty Schvincter as to how the team would fair. "We'll be competitive," he replied. "We'll be able to thump that nancy team in Victoria, but I'm sure some other teams will be able to give us a tussle."
The league is expected to return to normal this season after the shocking results of last year. Both the champion and runner up were perennial also-rans who just happened to both get hot and lucky the same season. It was a shocking upset for all hockey experts, but these things happen in the world of sports every century or so. Most pundits expect a return to normalcy this season.
Backamee Post 2006
The city of Backamee has a long and proud history, dating back to it’s first citizens in the early 18th century. Picked for it’s central location and proximity to several waterways, Backamee quickly became a hub for the great slaughterhouses of the time, and they have thrived in the city and surrounding area to this very day making Backamee one of the great meat packing communities of the world. It’s original citizens were of Dutch and Irish descent, then came the Macedonians during the great sausage famine of 1843, and of course the French who were here for 3 or 4 weeks in the late 19th century, but were annoying and asked to leave by the Scottish who beat them here by a couple of months.
The first organized hockey team was founded by one of the few Frenchmen who decided to stay, Henri DeLaJambom in 1889. The team, known simply as the Backamee’s, played 3 seasons until the great Bovine Phlegm outbreak caused the team to disband for lack of vim and vigour. Several years later a professional league sprang up and local Haggis baron Angus MacCheeseloaf christened his new team the Backamee Bags, the nickname stemming his beloved Haggis, a Scottish delicacy cooked inside a sheep’s stomach, or Bags as the locals called it.
That Bags team lasted for 18 seasons and launched the careers of such Backamee greats as Sockless Sammy Giblet, Gibby the Mutterer Rarebit and of course the legendary Dickie the Wiener Bonemauro.
WW1 sadly ended that rendition of the Bags but they were reborn a mere 5 years later under the direction of one Louis T. Lebanon Sr. Mr. Lebanon, who strangely never had a nickname, guided the Bags in the then formidable Federal league to many league championships, culminating in their final title in 1950. Among the players in that era, Sweet Lou Lebanon, the son of the team President, Little Feet Brown, who later left to start a specialty small foot shoe factory in then beautiful town of Sodom, Peach Toast Bryson who once fell 19 short of 20 goals, back when 20 goals meant something!, and of course that steady rearguard Numbtoe Marks.
Sadly, in 1985, State authorities condemned the venerable Backamee War Memorial Auditorium and the team folded once again. Until, in 1995, a savvy businessman in the area, one Abraham Horowitz jumped at a chance to put a team in the newly refurbished up to local codes BWMA and he purchased a franchise in the newly formed League of Leagues. His first official hiring was that of Louis T. Lebanon Jr. as the teams President and GM, a position the Sweet One holds to this day. The team has had its ups and downs, notably the untimely death of Mr. Horowitz under suspicious circumstances in 1998 and the subsequent change of ownership to his widow Mrs. Bambi-Lea Horowitz, a former exotic dancer from rural West Virginia. “Bad Luck” said Mr. Lebanon at the time, and since then the club has had it’s fair share of it. For seven straight seasons the club bolted out to fantastic starts, only to see their fortunes die in late March and early April, what has become known far and wide as the annual Bags Swoon. After several years of litigation with the Horowitz estate and several brushes with the Backamee vice squad, Bambi-Lea Horowitz sold the team in 2001 to a consortium of local businessmen led by lawyer Gnarly Hooves of the law firm Beaks, Hooves and Nitrates.
In 2006-2007, the Bags are hoping a change in Logo and Uniform to the old Federal League days of yore as seen on the cover page will spark the franchise toward it’s first title in the League of Leagues. Under the guidance of Sweet Lou Lebanon and Head Coach Numbtoe Marks, the Bags future is a bright one.
The first organized hockey team was founded by one of the few Frenchmen who decided to stay, Henri DeLaJambom in 1889. The team, known simply as the Backamee’s, played 3 seasons until the great Bovine Phlegm outbreak caused the team to disband for lack of vim and vigour. Several years later a professional league sprang up and local Haggis baron Angus MacCheeseloaf christened his new team the Backamee Bags, the nickname stemming his beloved Haggis, a Scottish delicacy cooked inside a sheep’s stomach, or Bags as the locals called it.
That Bags team lasted for 18 seasons and launched the careers of such Backamee greats as Sockless Sammy Giblet, Gibby the Mutterer Rarebit and of course the legendary Dickie the Wiener Bonemauro.
WW1 sadly ended that rendition of the Bags but they were reborn a mere 5 years later under the direction of one Louis T. Lebanon Sr. Mr. Lebanon, who strangely never had a nickname, guided the Bags in the then formidable Federal league to many league championships, culminating in their final title in 1950. Among the players in that era, Sweet Lou Lebanon, the son of the team President, Little Feet Brown, who later left to start a specialty small foot shoe factory in then beautiful town of Sodom, Peach Toast Bryson who once fell 19 short of 20 goals, back when 20 goals meant something!, and of course that steady rearguard Numbtoe Marks.
Sadly, in 1985, State authorities condemned the venerable Backamee War Memorial Auditorium and the team folded once again. Until, in 1995, a savvy businessman in the area, one Abraham Horowitz jumped at a chance to put a team in the newly refurbished up to local codes BWMA and he purchased a franchise in the newly formed League of Leagues. His first official hiring was that of Louis T. Lebanon Jr. as the teams President and GM, a position the Sweet One holds to this day. The team has had its ups and downs, notably the untimely death of Mr. Horowitz under suspicious circumstances in 1998 and the subsequent change of ownership to his widow Mrs. Bambi-Lea Horowitz, a former exotic dancer from rural West Virginia. “Bad Luck” said Mr. Lebanon at the time, and since then the club has had it’s fair share of it. For seven straight seasons the club bolted out to fantastic starts, only to see their fortunes die in late March and early April, what has become known far and wide as the annual Bags Swoon. After several years of litigation with the Horowitz estate and several brushes with the Backamee vice squad, Bambi-Lea Horowitz sold the team in 2001 to a consortium of local businessmen led by lawyer Gnarly Hooves of the law firm Beaks, Hooves and Nitrates.
In 2006-2007, the Bags are hoping a change in Logo and Uniform to the old Federal League days of yore as seen on the cover page will spark the franchise toward it’s first title in the League of Leagues. Under the guidance of Sweet Lou Lebanon and Head Coach Numbtoe Marks, the Bags future is a bright one.
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